What is Delusion?

 A strange thought to the word "Delusion".

For some people this might be a very commonly used term in their day-to-day routine. But for me, I never come across this word until it came knocking me out in my dream.

YES DREAM! Yet another dream, which I had the privilege to see and remember until now. The moment I saw it I lost my sleep and woke-up well before I could hit the snooze button of the alarm. So, before wasting any of your time, let me tell you what exactly happened.  

It was Friday. I was tired after finishing all the work for the day. I have been working a lot, since the lock-down happened. Due to this, I often had thoughts of changing my job and get back to IT once again, where I did not have to work on Saturdays. But as I had no option I had to set the alarm on my phone for 7.00 am and go to bed. So I don't know when exactly I slept off but all of sudden I remembered that I received a call from a friend who had referred me for a job. I had to meet the HR for an interview who would actually first show me the entire campus. Strange, why would someone show the campus to people who are not even selected for that particular job. But yes, this was supposed to happen as per the HR recruitment process. So I reached the office. It felt more like the Wipro Hinjewadi Phase-1 campus, where I had worked before. But there were few changes, I was able to see very few people working in the office. Maybe most of them were working from home, hence the few people. However, let me tell you I do not remember if there was anybody with me. Although, I remember walking along with one of my friend. Who it was I do not remember but it felt as if he knew me completely. So, I still am trying to find out who that friend is in my dream. But that was not it. We were walking through the campus looking at the landscape designed by the company, my friend just said you know you will be lucky if you get a job here. 

The moment he said that I was curious as to why he would say that and before I could even ask him I happened to see someone walk across. I was shocked to see and immediately asked my friend what the hell is she doing here. It was my ex- girlfriend who I saw in a flash. Dressed in yellow top and blue jeans beautiful even more than I remember her to be. Her hair was short; maybe she had a haircut. But the moment I saw her I was unable to focus. All that was running in my mind was why is she here? Why is she here? Ask her to leave I want this job I do not want to mess up this up because of her. Then my friend told me that's what I was talking about. You will be lucky if you get this job. You will see her most of the days. 

She comes here twice a week to complete the audits of her CA firm along with few of her team members. What the fuck, I do not want this job but I seriously need it. This was a fight that began in my mind. The next thing that happened was that the HR person, gave us a test paper and said, "This is just one test which you guys have to clear. Once you get through this you all will be hired. But trust me this is not easy." I was in dual-state of mind as if how difficult it could be. I was fully prepared. Just one test and I would get this job and surely I could say good-bye to my old job that was making me work even on weekends. This was making me feel excited and confident. But what happened next was completely unexpected. The HR person gave everyone a set of question paper and it was different for everyone. I could sense this when I heard few of them whispering. So what was in my paper. I took the paper and sat at the place allocated.

The first question I read: "What is Delusion?" Okay, I said I do not know this one let's move on to next question. But a strange thing happened. I found myself searching my ex. I saw her again and I tried to follow her. Concentrate Manish it just one paper to get this job. What is the next question I tried to tell myself but then I could see two things happening over and over again. First thing was I was reading the question where I was only able to read the first question: What is Delusion?" and I was not able to go ahead. Second was me searching for my ex as to where she was going. I felt I was going around in a loop. Somehow in time I was able to get out of it but only different thing I did was I was searching for her name in the register to confirm she was my ex and I was not dreaming about it. But to my knowledge everything was happening in a dream I stressed myself to answer the first question as I really wanted to clear this interview round. But I had never heard about this what is this word where did it come from. I have never heard about this word. I was completely stressed out and finally shouted out why the hell did she come here. Its all because of her I am not able to answer this question and what is the next question, why am I not able to see the second question?

I think I was completed stressed with the thought itself that I could not last in the dream anymore. I woke up and found that I still had an hour to sleep before my alarm would start ringing. I tried to sleep but failed. So I took my phone and tried to search. But I was not sure what I had to search I was not able to recall my dream. Only thing I remembered was that I saw my ex and yes there was a test on something that said about illusion. I really wanted to get back to the dream immediately. So I closed my eyes. Many times it does work where we get back to the same dream and I started answering the question. Delusion is the opposite of illusion. Something you try to build up for yourself. And I was happy that I wrote this answer. But again I was in the same loop as before, trying to find out what the word Delusion means and secondly I am searching for my ex. Why was this happening again I had answered the question then why am I not able to get to the next question? What the hell is this  Delusion? I so hate my ex why did I see her. Its because of her I am unable to answer a basic question. But what does it have to do with getting a job? 

With these thoughts my alarm rang and I had to finally give up on this question and the dream. But throughout the day this thought kept bugging my mind. As what is this word and why did I have it in my dream. I wanted to find out. Later in the afternoon I was able to do a google search and this is what came out.

Delusion:

an idiosyncratic belief or impression maintained despite being contradicted by reality or rational argument, typically as a symptom of mental disorder.

Mental Disorder! the last word made me re-think what is happening to me. Is it due to the work pressure I am getting these thoughts. I believe that I am working a lot and there's a lot of work pressure that is causing me to get into such thoughts. 

So I happened to ask one of my friend and she just cleared it out for me. It nothing but imagining things that do not exist. So like in the dream I

was imagining that I would go for an interview and I will see my ex working for the same company which will never happen. 

So the best way to that could work out for me is that I indulge into some habits that will bring more positive thoughts, maybe by meditating daily. Surely it will help me a lot. 

The world has changed. After the Covid pandemic, the work culture has changed people have changed and they have adopted new beliefs and culture. I will have to adjust as well, it will be difficult but slowly and steadily things will change. The more quickly we adjust to the change the more easy life will be for us.o, me getting stuck in a loop in my dream to find out an answer to the word or getting rid of the past was a clear indication that things will change but if you are still stuck with the past it will take you nowhere.  

The dreams I have always strengthen me to follow my passion and I always learn something new. This time it was the new found word: DELUSION!!!