Lockdown Continues...
Lockdown Continues...
21st March 2020, just a normal Saturday where I had decided I will wake up a little late, do my household chores have breakfast and later go to work. But all of sudden I received a call from my manager that I should not be going to office from today as we would all be working from home. I am currently work with HCCB(Hindustan Coca-Cola Beverages) and being a part of the sales team, I was not sure how we could manage to work from home. But this concept always excited me. I had seen my friends working from home when I used to go all the way to office. They used to sleep in afternoon while I would have coffee to keep myself awake and continue with my work. But now that I was given this option wild imaginations started in my mind.
I felt that now I will be able to make time for myself. On that very day after my manager hung-up I was jumping with joy. WOW! Finally no more going to office and seeing the faces of my managers but surely I would miss my team that was a feeling for sure. Somehow I was able to create a nice bonding with them.
Bonding is good... I always end up getting attached to someone or the other if I find them interesting. But that was not the point the thing is, as this began the very first I decided was to enjoy to the core as there was no work at all, rather I just didn't want to do anything. I could have taken up a decision of rushing back to my hometown and staying there, but due to some foolish reason I stayed back here in Bangalore which I still regret a lot. So it all began when our PM announced a Janta curfew for the day on Sunday and maybe after that things would be back to normal, I thought. I was so naive. It felt good on that Sunday when I had to come on the terrace and clap at 5 pm. I happily did it along with the others around in the area.
The next day work from home began with a meeting where our manager announced many things I was confused but confident it will just be a piece of cake. Slowly the things began to change and so did the expectations. Things were getting closed and the first lock-down happened for 14 days. I rushed to the local stores to get things for myself my wife and mom insisted that I should buy rice wheat flour and many other things so I would be able to cook while I am at home. At first I never agreed upon cooking as why will I when I could just Swiggy something to eat. But many things were lined up which I was completely ignorant to. Restaurants begin to shut down and it was difficult to get anything. SO I had to finally listen to my family and had to stock up accordingly which I did and it felt good. Also I started to keep tab of the money I am spending upon. Gradually I realized that the money is being wasted a lot and I will have to spend wisely. But it was a little late I had already spent a lot on Swiggy.
Apart from this at work things were changing drastically. Managers had made up a mindset that we are at home so we could dedicate the entire day for them. Wake up in the morning and sit in front of the system start working hardly take any breaks and keep working until it's end of the day. The only part I loved was the video calls in between with family and friends and was the only time I was talking with the outside world. This had to be avoided due to the increasing work pressure. Days where I hardly got time to eat even somehow I managed to cook. I started hating this time as mangers would continuously keep calling and shout on calls for some of my silly mistakes that could have been avoided considering the fact that I was new to the process. But expectations are the worst enemies of everyone. My expectation was only that I should be treated like a human and not as a piece of shit. Comparatively, my managers expectations from me, I really never understood cause it kept changing every now and then.
When things don't turn out your way you always end up hating everything. Frustration increases and that's what had started happening with me. But that's not the all it came up that I started hating everyone and wanted to stay away from everyone where I also ended up bursting up on my mom as she was continuously calling up in between of a meeting where my manager was continuously yelling upon me. I felt bad not for my manager but for my behavior towards my mom. I had to keep myself calm and had to focus where was I going wrong. So I started working upon myself and gradually began to understand it's not difficult to win back trust and respect for myself.
And when you feel nothing is working there were days which actually kept me going. The daily plank challenge which I continued to do not matter how frustrated I was and tried to motivate the other friends in various group. I tried to challenge myself in cooking something which I had never done and which turned out pretty well. And that was my achievement for the day a smile and happy face the entire day. Well, the best part was when I actually found out my friend working out whom I had completely lost all hopes. And then she came up with a very cool challenge of reading 10 books until September. The challenge is tough for me as I will always end up playing games on my cellphone rather than reading or maybe watch a movie. But somehow I finished one of the book and that was again an achievement. Days sometimes would begin where I would have uninvited guest like the monkeys visit my place early morning would certainly keep my more alert that I do not have to keep the main door open. They might just enter the house as most of my things are lying here and there. Days passed and my motivation to continue kept decreasing as April was over with a little excitement of the rains and the cloudy weather. I wanted to tell someone that I am alone I hate to stay alone. I need people all around me. A person like me who is always surrounded by people is all alone.
Somebody get me out of this. But never could I say it to anyone, all I would say is I am bored I just want to be back in Pune. Few of them knew what I already wanted and while my wife thought do I even miss them ever. How can someone answer to that question when I wanted to shout out loud that I am missing you guys like anything. But I am a person who would not easily let go all of his emotions and just answered her I just don't miss you I am enjoying my freedom.
Well, freedom has a price to pay and I know I am currently paying it for sure. Last week itself I wanted to run away and was fighting with my emotions and has to really let someone know that I cannot hold it all I want is my home and be with my friends and family. But the time is still not there. My manager called up again for something which she had to remind me that could have been ignored. Shouting on top of her voice she tried to again show it to be that it is very difficult for me to go ahead with such things which she has to keep on correcting. That was the moment I decided to say just go to hell I don't care but never said anything. And the thoughts began to crawl again in mind. How long will this go on like this? Will I ever be free to do whatever I want and live my life the way I wanted it to be. The answer to this was somewhere in the pictures I had clicked. Things will be worst and times will be bad. But always trust your struggle because they know what you have gone through and happy times will be there just like after a storm and a rainy days there's always a hope in the sky. A rainbow in the sky to tell you life is beautiful and if you are stuck up somewhere always try to find out new ways to get out of it. As tough times won't last long if you do.
Hoping to see that this lock-down will end some day and things will be back to normal as for now the lock-down still continues...
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| One sunset in the lockdown |
I felt that now I will be able to make time for myself. On that very day after my manager hung-up I was jumping with joy. WOW! Finally no more going to office and seeing the faces of my managers but surely I would miss my team that was a feeling for sure. Somehow I was able to create a nice bonding with them.
Bonding is good... I always end up getting attached to someone or the other if I find them interesting. But that was not the point the thing is, as this began the very first I decided was to enjoy to the core as there was no work at all, rather I just didn't want to do anything. I could have taken up a decision of rushing back to my hometown and staying there, but due to some foolish reason I stayed back here in Bangalore which I still regret a lot. So it all began when our PM announced a Janta curfew for the day on Sunday and maybe after that things would be back to normal, I thought. I was so naive. It felt good on that Sunday when I had to come on the terrace and clap at 5 pm. I happily did it along with the others around in the area.
The next day work from home began with a meeting where our manager announced many things I was confused but confident it will just be a piece of cake. Slowly the things began to change and so did the expectations. Things were getting closed and the first lock-down happened for 14 days. I rushed to the local stores to get things for myself my wife and mom insisted that I should buy rice wheat flour and many other things so I would be able to cook while I am at home. At first I never agreed upon cooking as why will I when I could just Swiggy something to eat. But many things were lined up which I was completely ignorant to. Restaurants begin to shut down and it was difficult to get anything. SO I had to finally listen to my family and had to stock up accordingly which I did and it felt good. Also I started to keep tab of the money I am spending upon. Gradually I realized that the money is being wasted a lot and I will have to spend wisely. But it was a little late I had already spent a lot on Swiggy.
Apart from this at work things were changing drastically. Managers had made up a mindset that we are at home so we could dedicate the entire day for them. Wake up in the morning and sit in front of the system start working hardly take any breaks and keep working until it's end of the day. The only part I loved was the video calls in between with family and friends and was the only time I was talking with the outside world. This had to be avoided due to the increasing work pressure. Days where I hardly got time to eat even somehow I managed to cook. I started hating this time as mangers would continuously keep calling and shout on calls for some of my silly mistakes that could have been avoided considering the fact that I was new to the process. But expectations are the worst enemies of everyone. My expectation was only that I should be treated like a human and not as a piece of shit. Comparatively, my managers expectations from me, I really never understood cause it kept changing every now and then.
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| One of my creation |
Somebody get me out of this. But never could I say it to anyone, all I would say is I am bored I just want to be back in Pune. Few of them knew what I already wanted and while my wife thought do I even miss them ever. How can someone answer to that question when I wanted to shout out loud that I am missing you guys like anything. But I am a person who would not easily let go all of his emotions and just answered her I just don't miss you I am enjoying my freedom.
Well, freedom has a price to pay and I know I am currently paying it for sure. Last week itself I wanted to run away and was fighting with my emotions and has to really let someone know that I cannot hold it all I want is my home and be with my friends and family. But the time is still not there. My manager called up again for something which she had to remind me that could have been ignored. Shouting on top of her voice she tried to again show it to be that it is very difficult for me to go ahead with such things which she has to keep on correcting. That was the moment I decided to say just go to hell I don't care but never said anything. And the thoughts began to crawl again in mind. How long will this go on like this? Will I ever be free to do whatever I want and live my life the way I wanted it to be. The answer to this was somewhere in the pictures I had clicked. Things will be worst and times will be bad. But always trust your struggle because they know what you have gone through and happy times will be there just like after a storm and a rainy days there's always a hope in the sky. A rainbow in the sky to tell you life is beautiful and if you are stuck up somewhere always try to find out new ways to get out of it. As tough times won't last long if you do.Hoping to see that this lock-down will end some day and things will be back to normal as for now the lock-down still continues...
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